26 Things People Say Are Signs Of Cheating (2023)

Few people enter a relationship with the intention of doing so.commit infidelity. However, the shocking truth is that cheating is a reality for far too many couples. So what can you do to avoid getting your heart broken? The first step is to know the signs that your partner is cheating on you (or at least they are).Thinkabout). For example, you should be careful if they become too curious when you get home. And if they accuse you of being paranoid, they might pressure you to cover up their own guilt. Read on to hear from therapists what people are saying are signs of cheating.

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A classic way to deflect your own guilty behavior is to try to blame the other person and make them doubt themselves.

"When confronted with their behavior, scammers try to tell their partner off, insisting they're paranoid," he says.smooth outlaw, PhD, Sexual Health Expert and CEO ofHolistic Wisdom. “These manipulative tactics are intended to deflect blame from the scammer. That's a big red flag because someone who isn't cheating would be more open to talking about it and reassuring their partner that everything is okay."

Ironically, an easy way to tell if your spouse is cheating is to see how often he accuses you.Ofof fraud – another classicgaslighting-tactic.

"Often this is a sign of self-blame, and he will blame you as well, making you defensive and distracting from his actions," he says.Bethany Ricciardi, an expert in sex and relationships withproducts. "He's quite manipulative...because they get so upset during the conversation that you think they hate cheating and would never cheat on you, when in fact they may have already."

When you confront your partner about possible cheating and get this distracting reaction, you probably want to start paying more attention to their whereabouts.

"Cheaters may downplay the nature of their relationship with their lover by insisting that they're just friends and adding that they're not his type," Lawless shares.

If your partner is suddenly trying to spice things up in the bedroom, you need to tread carefully.

"When they try new things with this new person, they may want to come home and ask their partner to try new things," she notes.jennifer kelman, Licensed Clinical Social Worker andMental health expert at JustAnswer. "If the partner isn't interested, it could reinforce that person's feeling that things are boring and that they have the right to leave the relationship, since sex can seem mundane or boring."

Another reason a cheating partner might initiate more sex is "so as not to raise suspicions about their cheating behavior," Lawless adds.

In itself, this is a sweet feeling. But if your partner suddenly seeks more physical affection from you, they may be trying to feel better about their cheating.

"Attachment can come from guilt or taking attention away from oneself," Lawless says.

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Another way a scammer can disguise their guilt is with niceties.

"There could be a lot more compliments when a couple starts contemplating infidelity," he says.Ramani Durvasula,licensed clinical psychologist and relationship expertTonnetze. "They may even go out of their way to be nice or helpful."

Although the cheating partner is at fault, they may also be the one trying to bring their partner down.

"Someone who cheats often feels very guilty," says Ricciardi. "Your partner can easily take it out on you by making you feel bad."

If, without a reasonable explanation, your partner has suddenly become more hostile and aggressive, you may want to sit down with them to have a serious discussion about your relationship.

If your partner has had the same haircut for a decade, but one day he comes home with a bold new haircut, "it could indicate an effort to impress someone else," he says.jonathan bennett, certified consultant and co-owner of the dating serviceDouble Trust Dating.

Other big changes in appearance, such as "losing weight, buying new clothes or starting to wear makeup more often," according to Bennett, could also be subtle signs of cheating.

your partner beforewrite to youhere and there all day but now they use "too much work" as an excuse to be MIA.

"If your partner is withdrawing attention, then maybe they're giving it to other people," says Bennett. "For example, if you've been getting a lot of texts and photos throughout the day, but it suddenly stops without explanation, someone else might get that attention."

"When a relationship isn't working out, you may find that your partner shares less and less with you," she explains.raffi doll, LCSW-C, Director deBaltimore Therapy Center.

"You used to hear about his work day, and now it's mostly 'Not much happened,'" says Bilek. "Sharing is a sign of closeness and connection, and when that deteriorates, it's a sign that you're becoming more and more disconnected."

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"Rarely do couples have a clear and honest conversation about what they think is cheating behavior, and that sometimes leads to unintentional cheating," she says.Racine Heinrich, PhD, owner ofSankofa-terapia,a relationship therapy group based in New York City.

Of course, this does not apply to fraud in the traditional sense, but to fraudemotional cheatingor crossing the line between friendship and more.

In a healthy relationship, both partners should be free to make new friends, but if your spouse starts spending more time with this new "friend" than you do, then maybe it's time to consider some inappropriate emotions there.

“Most couples know who their friends are. So when there's a new friendship, it can also be a bit weird for them to go out alone and not involve their partner," Kelman warns. "The fact that they don't want to wait for it also shows a certain secrecy and that they'll be out late without being accountable to their partner. ”.

Sure, this question might be harmless if your partner wants to know when dinner is ready, but less honorable couples might be playing detective.

"This question can come up when they're trying to figure out how much time they have to meet or connect with the person they're cheating with," says Kelman. Your partner's schedule is, but it works more to cover your own skin while they go about their business.

If your partner is trying hard to keep you from looking at your credit card statement, chances are there's something they don't want you to see.

Lawless says you should be warned if your partner "shows potential signs of financial impropriety, such as: private spending, unexplained balances, or increased appearance fees."

A person's insecurities can affect their relationships in many ways. An insecure person will not only question whether a relationship is worth being in and create problems that don't exist, but will often look elsewhere for validation, including cheating.

"While these can be valid feelings and need to be addressed with healthy, open communication, they can also be the result of the person they're cheating with seeing them in a new and different way," Kelman explains. "It also smacks of poor me a bit and a way to justify cheating because their partner doesn't appreciate them.

READ NEXT:8 'Small But Toxic' Things Therapists Say You Should Stop Saying To Your Partner.

When someone is having a hard time loving their physical appearance, they may be looking for validation from the outside, and not just from their partner.

"If sexual intimacy is outdated, then this questioning isn't that unnatural unless you're cheating, but if they are, they might be trying to understand why someone else finds them attractive and their partner doesn't," says Kelman.

It's easy (and natural!) to fall into a rut in a long-term relationship. However, if a partner does not make an effortkeep the passion alive, the other person may feel entitled to find it elsewhere.

"This question highlights the boredom and staleness that relationships encounter, and when things feel exciting with this new person, it can create a desire to get out more and do the fun things the new person does," Kelman adds.

If you're trying to plan a vacation a few months in advance, but your partner keeps putting it off with one excuse after another, it could be a sign that they're starting to see a future with someone else.

"This could be a sign that the couple is considering ending the relationship, so you don't want to bring up future things or events if you're not sure you'll be around," Kelman says.

Notice if your partner uses the word "I" or "we" when talking about the future. If they start using the former, it could mean that they are imagining a future without you.

"You could start saying things like, 'II hope to go to Bali one day.''II would love to buy a house in Spain', something like that," says Durvasula.

You come home from work with flowers and chocolates for your partner: but instead of responding with excitement and gratitude, they pretend you just brought home a box of deadly spiders.

"If their partner has done something wonderful for them, it can foster feelings of guilt and they may try to shake off the gift, or the kindness shown that underscores their lack of care and commitment in the relationship," she explains. Kelman.

The meaner you are, the easier it is for them to justify their actions.

READ NEXT:7 Things Divorced People Wish They Had Done Differently In Their Marriage.

People who are cheating on someone in their life, such as a good friend or coworker, might try not to bring that person up again in conversation to avoid an accidental slip-up. And if you try to bring that person into the conversation, you'll find your spouse is quick to redirect the conversation, emphasizing that he hardly ever talks to so-and-so anymore.

"The telltale denial sign here is 'I hardly ever see them anymore,' which detracts from the amount of time they see Samantha," Kelman notes.

If your partner suddenly starts keeping a secret about where they are going and what they are doing, it could be because they are hiding behind your back.

"This is a defensive stance with an emboldened style of how dare your partner ask you where you're going," says Kelman. "It's important because you're in a relationship and partners share where they're going and what they're doing. This aggressive, defensive stance is definitely a red flag."

Someone who cheats is probably not trying to work out the problems in their current relationship. "The assumption is that the partner doesn't understand the person's needs and/or doesn't make the necessary changes," says Henry.

That's why they make dismissive statements like "I'm so sick of this!" or "Forget it!" instead of discussing the problems. "They enjoy the ease of creating something different with someone in whom they have less investment and less history," adds Henry.

If your partner is cheating on you, there is likely evidence on their phone. And since they don't want to get caught, they will protect this evidence at all costs.

"Yes, some may have their phone with them in the bathroom if they don't want to miss important calls or messages, but if this is a change then it really may be because they don't want their partner to have the chance to." her. cell phone," Kelman confirms. "Couples in healthy relationships never need to hide a phone, search for a phone, or worry about their phone being searched."

lead adouble lifeIt is not an easy task. And because a con man must juggle his home life with his secret exploits, he often forgets what goes on in one life versus the other, leading to forgotten engagements, repeated conversations, and accidental slip-ups that are quickly covered up with another lie. .

However, since your new relationship is exciting, you will feel the worst part more often. "You are no longer a priority because the other has priority," he sayslee phillips, LCSW, certifiedSex and couples therapist.

You should always encourage your partner to take up new hobbies, but if you notice that they don't talk about their activities and don't want you around, it could be a sign that they are using this as an excuse to flirt with someone. to meet the one they get to know behind your back.

"If your partner starts to get really interested in a random place or thing, make sure one person isn't also attached to it," Ricciardi advises.